50 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Seigaku
by Ryuacchi
Summary: Third of the "50 Things" series. Number two: I will never, EVER do anything bad to Fuji's cacti. CRACK.
1. Chapter 1: Eiji and the Goldberg Machine

**Yay! I finally put my A/U at the top! XP Because Rikkai and Hyoutei have their own, so why not Seigaku? Also has interference with other schools later on. This chapter has a saner Fuji, but it shall not stay that way.**

**50 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Seigaku:**

**Number 1: I will not pair up with Eiji for a Goldberg Machine**

* * *

"COOOL! We're partners, Fujiko!" Eiji yelled in delight. Fortunately, it was lunch break, so no one would mind if he yells that loud, as long as he does not yell louder.

"Well, you were the one I knew the most." The genius replied. "So, any ideas for steps? I already made a couple." He then showed him a diagram. "Do you want to do the water generated one!"

"Then... how about we have something make the water form waves, so a toy boat on it can move and push anything that shall lead us to the next step?"

"Good idea, but what should we use?"

"How about... I know! A remote-controlled toy car!"

"Saa, what does most car remotes look like?"

"I saw one that has the big red button of DOOM!"

"...The big red button of doom?"

"Not, doom. DOOM!"

"The difference is on how you say it?"

"Exactly!"

"I see, but that's a bit hard..."

"We could push it!"

"We can't do human intervention, Eiji."

"We could _sneakily_ push it!"

"It's still human intervention."

"No. It's _sneaky_ human intervention, and because of that, there's a chance that the teacher wouldn't notice!"

"It's still cheating..." It was his genius reputation at stake. Come on, since when did a genius cheat?

"But they won't notice!"

"..."

"...Atobe is old." Eiji said randomly.

"You got that from Gakuto-kun?"

"NO WAY!!" Eiji exclaimed like he was insulted."ME AND GAKUTO,**ALIKE!?!?**"

"I'm sorry, Eiji... I didn't mean to..."

"Yay! Thanks, Fujiko!" Eiji said, reverting back to his happy mode and proceeded to glomp Fuji.

"...Um, Eiji, the Goldberg Machine..."

"Ooops, sorry!" The genius was then let go.

"Eiji, why are you using exclamation points at every end of each sentence?"

"Because I feel so hyper and happy today?"

"..." Fuji just smiled.

"I knew it. There was an 87 chance that you'll choose Fuji as your partner." Inui popped out of nowhere, causing Eiji, but not Fuji, to jump.

"How's your day, Inui?" Fuji greeted.

"Oh, very fine."

"Inui, why are we given that Goldberg Machine project in 3rd year?" Eiji asked, finally NOT using exclamation points.

"Elaborate, Eiji."

"I mean, didn't we already do this in 1st year?! Why are we doing it again!?"

"We were given a short time." Fuji reasoned out.

"But it's torture! Last time I did it with Oishi, and it ended up as a disaster!"

A few meters away, the fukubuchou sneezed.

"So anyway!" Eiji exclaimed. "Goldberg Machines are BAD for your health!"

"You are acting like Gakuto-kun." Fuji said.

"I AM NOT!"

"You are."

"I'M NOT!"

"You are."

"I'M NOT!"

"You are."

"I'M NOT!!!"

"Are you sure, Eiji?" At this point, Fuji opened his eyes, not glaring at his classmate.

"U-Uh... Not really... Eheheheh." Eiji replied. No one, not even Tezuka, could resist Fuji's Sadistic Glare of DOOM.

"So..." Inui started. "What's your plan for the Goldberg Machine."

"I DON'T KNOOOOW!" Eiji complained. "Fujiko, can't you just finish it on your own?!"

"It's supposed to be a pair work..."

"PLEASEEEE!!!!"

Fuji sighed, before smiling sadistically. "Alright, but on one condition."

Eiji gulped. "And that is?"

"Inui, I found you an assistant."

Eiji shivered as the other sadist drew out what looked like Inui Juice. "Bottoms up, Eiji."

Minutes later, a louder yell was heard throughout Seigaku.

"...A-At least I don't need to do the Goldberg Machine of DOOM again..." Eiji muttered, hours later. He just came from the clinic and was now walking for club practice. However, the juice somehow made him walk slower, thus he was late. Of course, Tezuka could not overlook this.

"Kikumaru, run 50 laps."

"WHAT!?!?"

"60 laps."

Eiji sighed. The captain's word was ALWAYS law, so he had to run the laps. As he was suffering and wailing about human rights violations and abuse of his physical body (causing Tezuka to assign him 20 more laps), Inui called in his phone.

"Kyouju."

"Ah, Hakase." Renji replied from the other line.

"Do you have any data to trade with?"

"I believe I do. Is Seigaku starting to be more interesting?"

"Yes." Inui smirked. "Yes it is."


	2. Chapter 2: Fuji and his Cactus

**Sorry for the late updates. However, finals are finally over so I could wrtie as much as I could:D**

**I'm surprised of the tons of alerts I got. I honestly thought that the 1****st**** chapter wasn't humorous enough.**

**Oh, and this will be transferred to my collab account with ****rhapsodizing riyoko****, since she volunteered to help me with this fic. Further updates will be made in ****Depend on Me. ****Watch out for it! XD**

**Diclaimer:**_Tennis no Oujisama _was created by _Takeshi Konomi._

**50 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Seigaku:**

**Number 2: I will NEVER do anything bad to Fuji's cacti. Ever.  
**

* * *

Wrath. It is a noun that means anger, an expression of extreme displeasure to someone. It is one of the Seven Deadly Sins because wrath is the most common trigger for revenge, and revenge could lead to something as disastrous as murder. Wrath occurs rarely to most people, and to some, it happens more rarely. For example, Fuji rarely, _rarely_ gets angry. 

And when Fuji's wrath is unleashed, may we take pity on the one who incurs it.

According to Inui's data, the last time Fuji really became angry was at the end of tennis practice. Only regulars were left at that time, and the data man decided to have a doubles tournament between them. To make things more interesting, the pairings were decided by lots. (Momo wasn't a regular at that time, but he was waiting for Echizen, so he decided to make himself useful and be their referee).

To everyone's demise, Fuji and Eiji were paired up together, being the most experienced team in their unofficial tournament. They easily breezed through the Tezuka-Oishi pair, mainly because Fuji keeps canceling the Tezuka Zone with his 4th counter. Besides, doubles was never Tezuka's specialty.

As the whole team was watching the Inui-Kawamura pair pulverizing the Kaidou-Echizen pair, Eiji decided to take a drink. His jug was in the locker rooms, so he was forced to go there.

The locker rooms, without the usual people in it, was unusually clean and neat. Even though the smell of sweat was still present, it was actually more presentable than the room's usual standards. Also, it made other stuff in the room – posters, past trophies and such – stand out more.

And so, while Eiji was drinking, he noticed a plant by the window.

It was a cactus, and a petite one at that. Its spikes that cover its green flesh were glinting in the sun, but it was not wnough to blind the acrobatic player. Upon further observation, he noticed a flower starting to bloom.

"So cute nya" He muttered. It was rare for him to actually call a cactus cute, but this particular one seemed beautiful to his eyes, and the fact that it was small made it cure for Eiji. "I bet Fujiko put it here."

Indeed, there was a small placecard beside it. Eiji picked it up and read it aloud:

"_This is the property of Fuji Syuusuke, 3__rd__ year. Please do not touch, or suffer the consequences. "_

Eiji shivered. The last sentence had a eerie sense of foreboding to it, and the fact that Fuji wrote it himself made it worse. His best friend is a sadist, and no one knows what Fuji could actually do when angered. He did know one thing, though: It will never be a pleasant experience.

However, his temptation gave in. "Well, Fujiko won't be mad if I water it, right?" He mumbled to himself thoughtfully as he poured out some of the contents of the jug. However, it flowed out fast, literally drowning the plant. "Nya!" He exclaimed fearfully as he noticed the problem. Most of the soil eroded because of the water. "Fujiko will kill me if he sees this! What will I do?" He searched around frantically on something that could solve his problem. A few minutes later, he found a couple of pulls of tissue.

"Maybe it could drain the remaining water?" Eiji thought, and decided to try it. He was correct, but the tissues weren't enough. They were all reduced into pulp, and a lot of water still remained. As Eiji started to look frantically for more tissue, he already heard Momo's booming voice:

"Game and match, Inui-Kawamura pair! Game count, 6 games to 2!"

"Oh no!" Eiji muttered. "It's about our time! If Fuji enters now..."

He had no other choice. He decided to dump the rest of the water outside the window. Unfortunately, when he picked it up and was about to do it, a banana peel came out of nowhere, and the acrobat slipped. Despite his graceful skills, the element of surprise won against him, and seconds later, there was a crash. Eiji was in a sitting position.

"Ouch..." Eiji muttered before feeling something prickly under him. He jumped quickly, and knew that the situation was at its worst:

After the cactus crashed into the ground, Eiji sat on it. Now, it was nothing but a puddle of damp soil, soaked pot pieces, and a green pulp. The flower was torn into pieces.

"I heard a crash." Inui said outside.

"It's from the locker room. Eiji probably bumped into something." Eiji's heart skipped a beat at the sound of Fuji's slightly worried tone. "I'll check him."

He then heard footsteps to the locker rooms. _Oh no!_ Eiji inwardly yelled as he frantically searched for a way to hide his crime.

"I heard a crash, Eiji." Fuji said as he entered the locker rooms. "Are you al - "

The rest of his sentence was stuck in his throat. Beside Eiji, who was looking innocent, was a smudge of brown on the floor. He quickly turned his eyes to where his cactus was, and found a distorted drawing of it in its place.

Needless to say, Fuji opened his cerulean eyes. They were usually beautiful, but at the moment, they were just plain creepy.

"Eiji..." He said, a psychopath's smile in his lips. "Where is my cactus?"

To a stranger, it sounded like an innocent question. But to Eiji, it was a menacing demand.

"I-I-I..." Eiji stuttered. He had no choice but to admit it. "I accidentally sat on it."

Fuji became the gentle creature no more, and Eiji received a full blast of his wrath.

A scream rang on the entirety of Seigaku, leading the regulars to check what happened in the locker rooms. Before they managed to enter, however, Fuji blocked the door.

"Inui, we're going to withdraw. Eiji's not feeling well."

Fuji was smiling, not even bothering to mask his blue eyes. It had a scary glint to it, and Tezuka sighed.

"Fuji, 100 laps around the grounds."

"But Tezuka - "

"150."

Fuji sighed, and went to do it. However, he made sure to whisper on Tezuka's ear.

"You shall pay, Te-zu-ka-chan."

Then he ran off. At first glance, Tezuka looked the same, but some might notice cold sweat starting to form...

"Everyone, look for Kikumaru." The captain said after a brief silence. A few minutes later, they found Eiji tied to a pole, looking very beaten and sick. How did Fuji do it, no one knew. But then again, this is_Fuji._

At the end of the day, Inui noticed his whole supply of Inui juice for the month was gone. _I wonder where it went..._ the data man thought.

* * *

**All fear Fuji. XD Oh, and a reference I forgot to put in the last chapter:**

**Hakase and Kyojyu are Inui and Renji's nicknames to each other respectively. Hakase means doctor, and Kyojyu means professor. Suits them, don't you think?**


End file.
